Headlines

I catch myself wasting time reading another Yahoo! headline story about some celebrity who doesn't even know my name. Oh my, look what they're wearing! They're dating who? They're entering rehab again! I'm embarrassed to say I know more about these celebrities' lives than some of my own relatives. This just isn't right.

What is it that makes us so curious about the lives of the rich and famous? Why does a celebrity's fashion faux-pas make headlines right along side the national election coverage or Hurricane Sandy?

I'm not sure I have the answers, but it's a peculiar behaviour that makes me go “hmmm”. I suppose it could be a form of escape from our ho-hum lives to catch a glimpse into a lifestyle we'll never have ourselves. It could come from our innate need to worship something, or our tendency to idolize or make heroes of those who have attained worldly success. Sadly, it's like a one-way relationship, and I use that term loosely. We can know everything about someone else but they don't have to know anything about us. It's safe, but a little twisted, actually.

Not to undermine the value of celebrities as individuals, but our time would surely be better spent learning about the lives of those around us, those we brush shoulders with every day. At least we'd be investing in relationships, and showing others that they are valued and important. Friendships are built when we reach out, show concern, and open ourselves up to others. It's a two-way adventure. It's risky. We might even get hurt sometimes, but this is part of growing as a human being and being fully alive.

So, welcome to my challenge. Will you join me in this? The next time we are intrigued by one of those Yahoo celebrity headlines, let's make the choice to invest our time more wisely. Let's be conscious instead of our friends and loved ones who really need our attention, and would love to have someone listen to their story. The rich and famous won't miss us anyway.

A Winning Attitude

Watching the Olympics this week, I am reminded that there's such a fine line between the joy of victory and the agony of defeat. Athletes in their prime, so strong and swift, can cross the finish line fractions of a second apart from each other, yet only one athlete wins the gold. Those who miss a medal by such a narrow margin can be devastated by their defeat. Why should the athlete in 2nd or 3rd place, or last place for that matter, feel any less of a winner when the fact is they can still out-perform most everyone in the whole world?

Last year my daughter Natalie ran in a cross-country race with girls her age from across the county. Natalie is very strong and flexible, but when it comes to running, her brother Elijah always outshines her. Elijah had already run his cross-country race and had placed very high. I was concerned about Natalie comparing her performance to that of her brother's. She ended up finishing the race in 98th place out of 300 girls. When she called me to tell me the results, I was preparing to console her with words like "Well, if you did your best, that's all that matters" or "but look how good you are at doing cartwheels!". Much to my surprise however, I didn't need to use those phrases because she happily announced, "Mom! I was faster than over 200 girls!!"

I laughed out loud as I realized that she had the right perspective absolutely. I said "You are so right, girl. Way to go!!" We don't have to be the best at something to see ourself as a winner. She taught me a good lesson that day.

Timing is Everything

This morning we finally got the spring rain we've been waiting for so long! As I left for work, I gave my umbrella to one of the kids, figuring they would need it worse than I. The rain seemed to be falling lightly as I drove, but approaching the parking lot near my work, the rain really started to come down hard. After parking the car, I took off my jacket and held it over my head as I raced down the sidewalk in the pouring rain. Of course, I missed the green light at the corner and was left standing there at the red light getting royally soaked.



As I waited for the traffic to pass, a tall fellow in a business suit and a very big umbrella arrived next to me on the corner. Having mercy on me, he said, “You can stand under this umbrella if you like.” I normally wouldn't have accepted but the rain was coming down in buckets and it seemed like an honourable offer.

“Oh thanks. I gave my umbrella to my kids this morning”, I chuckled, as I stuck my head a little ways under his umbrella. He said, “Timing is everything”. Not sure what he really meant by that, I just replied, “Hmm...ya”. It was a bit awkward sharing an umbrella with a complete stranger but I just kept my eyes on the road ahead of us for those few moments.

As the traffic cleared, I said “Thanks a lot. I'm going to make a run for it now” and I darted out into the street with my hands and jacket still over my head. Suddenly, I heard the man shout “Watch it!” so I glanced to my left just in time to see a white van coming toward me. Holding the jacket over my head had hindered my view and I hadn't seen it coming. I heard the umbrella man yell a second time, “Watch out!”. In that split second of time, feeling panicked and foolish all at the same time, I had to choose between racing forward or trying to run back. The driver of the van honked the horn. I ran forward with speed and just made it safely across the intersection. Too embarrassed to look back, I got indoors and out of the rain as fast as I could.

A short while later I emailed my mom telling her about the close call I'd had and how this umbrella man helped save my life. She responded with, “Maybe he was an angel?”. As I read her response I quietly gasped inside. It occurred to me that I had just asked God two days earlier to see an angel! You see, I've been fascinated with angels for quite some time and have periodically over the years asked God for the chance to see one, just out of curiosity. This week I had been thinking about it again. Could it be that God was waiting to answer my prayer until a time when I really needed an angel? Hmm......

I'll never know for sure if the umbrella man was an angel or just a real person, but I am sure that he was there by divine appointment to warn me of the danger I didn't see. Thank God!! It also makes me wonder about the potential significance of him saying, “Timing is everything”.

Little Miss Can't Be Wrong

Little Miss Can't Be Wrong. We all know someone like her. She's the one won't back down when she thinks she is right. She delights in airing her own opinions. It's rare to get an apology out of her. She's too insecure to give a sincere compliment to you. She'll go to great lengths to prove she is right because being "w..w..wrrrrong" is not in her vocabulary.

Little Miss C-B-W may even be popular in social circles because of her wealth of knowledge and ability to contribute to almost any topic of conversation, but her closer, more intimate relationships are few because her need to be right ends up turning people off over time. More than likely her behaviour is just a coverup for the fears and insecurities that actually drive her. Her desire for significance would be better satisfied through being more kind than right. Little Miss C-B-W needs to see that you can be right.... yet wrong at the same time.

If you held this image of the word "RIGHT" up to a mirror you would see that it also spells "WRONG". We may be right with our facts, but wrong with our delivery, our approach or our intention. I think it all boils down to our motives. Why do we esteem being right as more important than being loving or forbearing?

Have you ever tried to just let someone think they are right even when you know they're wrong? It's not easy to do at first, but it's actually quite freeing. In time (usually) the truth will be revealed and they'll realize they were wrong. Chances are they'll be more likely to say "hey, you were right" and less defensively because you didn't put up a fight.

Too bad we can't change or eliminate all the Little Misses in our lives, but we can look at ourselves and examine our own motives. We can practise the use of sayings like "you could be right" or "please forgive me, I was wrong" and in doing so, make the world a bit better place. Well......I can't help it if I'm right!!!

Motivation

Motivation. The driving force from within. Where does it come from? If we could package and sell it, we'd be billionaires.

Do you remember an infomercial from the 90's of an oriental man standing on his yacht advertising his motivational money-making seminars? He says “Come to my sem-ee-naw!” We used to laugh at him, but making lots of money with the least amount of work is a motive that many still buy into.

Imagine if motivation was so easy to access and maintain....people would stick to their New Years resolutions, addictions would be broken, poverty would be lessened, the gospel would reach the whole world, and the possibilities would seem endless.

We each seem to have a motivational bucket with a tiny hole in the bottom. It constantly needs re-filling with new inspiration and reasons to stay motivated. If we stop filling the bucket, we lose all our motivation and end up lazy, poor, miserable and ineffective. Our motivation can come from many sources but it is often derived from seeing the reward ahead of us. The proverbial “carrot” dangling in front of the donkey's nose keeps him moving forward because his eye is on the prize. The carrot is not always material things. The motive of personal fulfilment, happiness, or even the desire to help others can keep us driven. Sometimes fear of embarassment will greatly motivate us. They say the best way to get a clean house fast is to invite someone over. It's amazing how you suddenly have motivation!

Healthy rest can also play a part in staying motivated. My personal motivational bucket seems to re-fill overnight. I work steady days and it seems that my workplace gets the best part of my daily energy. In the morning and mid-day I am most productive, keen-minded and able to make better choices. My ability to think creatively and innovatively is at its best. By the time I get home from work, however, it often feels like I've lost the wind in my motivational sails. At that point the couch and mindless entertainment look more inviting to me than making dinner or cleaning the house. Not wanting to be truly lazy or couch-potato-like, I push myself to do the right thing and transform into the domestic goddess that my family needs. The carrot dangling in front of me is wanting my family to really have the best of me rather than my workplace. It just takes concerted effort sometimes.

Inspiration and motivation are closely connected, but different. Inspiration is like an internal awakening. Motivation puts the awakening into action. How many times have we been inspired by hearing a great sermon or by watching a healthy cooking show, yet we never found the motivation to carry out the message or recipe that so inspired us in the first place? Inspiration is fairly easy to attain, but motivation doesn't just fall in our lap. We have to find it.

If you find yourself lacking in motivation, maybe it's because there's no reward in sight. The fact is there is always a reward, but we can't always see it today, and someone else may be the recipient of the reward, not you. Pray and ask God to help you see a reward that will motivate you. The Bible tells us that some of our rewards will only be received in heaven.

Maybe depression is stealing your groove. Grief and the storms of life can knock the wind out of us and that's understandable. Cut yourself a little slack during these times and nurture yourself. Ask God to heal your wounded spirit and He will. The sun will shine again and motivation usually returns. Sometimes motivation is born out of our hardship, such as a desire to help others suffering in the same way. If depression lingers too long, however, don't hesitate to get some professional help.

Maybe the consequences of not being motivated are not significant enough. After all, who's going to care if I eat that extra twinkie? Nobody looks in my closets so why keep them clean? You may need to take steps to keep yourself accountable and more transparent. That's why groups like Weight Watchers and Alcoholics Anonymous are so successful.

Maybe past failures have stolen your confidence. This is a big one. A good subject for another blog, another day. The point is you can stay where it's safe and comfortable, take no risks and never fail, but why settle for that? Don't be a quitter. Nothing risked, nothing gained. Find some inspiration, act on it, and reward yourself!

Writing this blog has been therapy for me as I continually seek to move from inspiration to motivation. I have to rely on the grace of God every day in this regard. If you have ever been loved, you know what a powerful motivator love can be, and no one has ever loved us greater than Jesus. If nothing else motivates you, discover His love for you and let that be the force that compels you into action.

Ideals vs Reality

If you've had any length of conversation with me in the past few years, you've probably picked up on my “issue”. Here it is.....it may not be a shocker......I don't like working full-time outside the home and raising kids at the same time. Yes, I know, it's no big surprise to my friends, especially because I tend to vent now and then with big sighs, hints of exasperation, and comments like “I should just be grateful”. I try to maintain an outside calm of having the working-mother thing all under control, but on the inside I'm sometimes pouting and stomping my feet because I just can't master it all.

Now, part of my problem is that I'm an idealist. I want to be a combination of Martha Stewart, Mother Theresa and Carol Brady. A domestic diva, a world changer, and a Proverbs 31 woman....maybe I've aimed too high? A wise counsellor once told me if you lower your expectations, you're less likely to be disappointed. I'm convinced he was right.

Another wise working-mother once told me you just can't have it all....something has to give. Are the kids really going to remember or care when they grow up how clean your floors were? Will it really matter if you don't include all the recommended food groups in their lunch bags? They're more likely to remember the special talks and prayers you shared with them at bed time, the times you laughed or cried together, or seeing you in the bleachers cheering them on at their sporting events. Thinking this way has freed me up somewhat. I only clean the floors every other week now.

I've convinced myself over and over that I should just be content and thankful. After all, what do I have to complain about really? Honestly, I tell myself, get some perspective! Royalty send their children away to boarding school. Celebrity children are raised by nannies. Martha Stewart's daughter didn't exactly turn out to be a role model. Carol Brady is fictional, and she had a live-in maid! As middle class Canadians, we are incredibly blessed..... I know, I know....but that pouting, foot-stomping little girl on the inside still likes to wish for more time at home with the kids.

So, asking God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, here is where I stand in the process of overcoming my “issue”. I don't want to pout and whine, I really don't. Not only do I want to be pleasing to my Heavenly Father, I want to be a good example to my children and a helpful support to my husband. So.....I'm adopting the attitude that I “get” to do both, work full time and raise a family. It's a privilege to be a housewife and mother, and it's also a privilege to learn and use my talents and brain in the work force. I “get” to do both! OK, maybe it's a weak argument to some, but it's helping me to overcome and make the most out of my reality.

Because I “get” to work full-time we can afford certain luxuries and conveniences that make our lives easier. I “get” to raise Elijah and Natalie, two of God's precious children entrusted to us. I “get” to support my husband in meeting the needs of our family and preparing for our future. Actually, the more I dwell on this, the luckier I feel. I really need to see this glass half full!

The other day I said to Elijah, “What would you think if Mommy worked as a day care provider in our home, so that I could be there more for you and Natalie?”. He said, “No, I think you should stay at the bank..... not that you wouldn't be good at caring for kids, but I just think you'd be happier at the bank”. Hmmm....out of the mouths of babes. For him, a working mom is his normal, and although my kids aren't perfect, they definitely know they're loved and their needs are met. If they're not worried about it, maybe I shouldn't be either.

Carpe Diem - Sieze the Day

As Sept. 11 rolls around each year most of us are reminded of the tragic events of 9/11, especially this year as it marks the 10th anniversary of that unforgettable day.   For our family we are reminded each year at this time of the loss of our son Michael who died so unexpectedly on Sept. 10, 2002.  I reminisce.....

We had spent the weekend prior to his death at a family reunion up at Chesley Lake.  We were excited to take our first trip in our new Ford Windstar with its multimedia setup where the kids could watch videos and even play their Playstation. We had a great weekend visiting with relatives, canoeing, golfing and just being together. I remember playing a Playstation game on the way home in the van with Michael.  I've never had any talent or interest in video games but I played along anyway.  Michael was too nice of a guy to tell me how horrible I was. 

We arrived home late Sunday night and received a call that my Aunt Jean who had been at the reunion that weekend had suffered a heart attack just prior to leaving the camp, and was rushed to a nearby hospital where she passed away.  What a shock for everyone!  It was so sad.

The following day we received some more bad news.  Maurice's Uncle Sagar had passed away.  Two deaths in two days!  It was just plain sobering.  I began thinking how short life is and how we must value each day that we have.  I scrawled on a piece of paper "Carpe Diem - Sieze the Day. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow" and stuck it on the fridge.   I just wanted it to be a reminder of what's important in life and to live without regrets.

As it turned out, that evening was the last time we would all see Michael.   I remember him sitting at the computer doing homework or something, then he decided to cut his hair.  I was sitting at the kitchen table a bit later when he came along and popped the back of his head in my face.  "Did I miss any spots?", he asked.  He had trimmed his hair short but couldn't see the back too well.  Now, for the average mother a moment like that would just be par for the course, but as a fairly new step-mom still finding my way, I felt very honored in that moment that he wanted my opinion.  Those were my last words with Michael.   He was up and gone to college early the next morning before any of us had a chance to see him, and he died that day at school.

I've often thought how strange it was that I put the note on the fridge that day.   Was it prophetic, or just coincidental?  All I know is that it still holds true.  We need to live each day as if it was our last.  Each day is a gift.   Honestly, I don't think I do that so well most of the time, but it's a perspective that I desire to have.  Elijah & Natalie love singing along to a Christian song that says "I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind.  Still You hear me when I'm calling, You catch me when I'm falling and You've told me who I am - I am Yours".  How true.

Funerals can be so difficult and emotional, but they never cease to leave us with a fresh perspective on the sanctity and fragility of life. For that reason I don't despise funerals. Tomorrow I'll be attending a memorial service for my Aunt Grace who recently passed away.  She wasn't a famous or wealthy woman, but she was a woman who loved very well.  She loved without judging and took time to make each person feel important.  What a legacy to leave.  Tomorrow we'll celebrate the wonderful gift that she was, and reflect on how we are living our own lives, how we can live and love better. 

So, seize the day - stop and smell the roses, make a difference in someone's life, don't sweat the small stuff, do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.